The Rev Dave Preece
Rector, SKC Church, St Eds & Ips Diocese
'Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.’
Proverbs 13:12
This summer sees the return of the men’s football World Cup. This also means almost inevitable disappointment for England fans. In church leadership we are probably used to disappointments too.
A series of disappointments
Recently, I have experienced a series of disappointments in my own ministry. An additional role I thought I was suited for went to someone else. Other local churches were seeing new people come along, while, after five years in post, the church I’m leading wasn’t in the place I had hoped we would be.
I had written a five-year list of hopes and dreams for the church for things I would love to see and reasons why we’d see them. In my mind we weren’t seeing growth in any of the areas I had dreamt and prayed for.
Sometimes our disappointment can be about seemingly small things. Other times it can be deeply profound, each can be corrosive in our leadership. The challenge for us as leaders is how we lead through disappointment.
Pray and be honest
It should go without saying that we can talk to God about how we’re feeling and the disappointments that we’re facing. However, in the busyness of ministry and the frustrations that can follow, we can forget to pray or at least pray honestly. Sometimes the disappointment is so raw that we don’t want to pray. It can be especially difficult when our disappointment is about something we thought we had heard from God.
When I came before God with my disappointments, God highlighted that I had an issue with pride. When humbly kneeling before God, I realised that some of my disappointment was due to my ego and a sense what I felt I deserved. I was reminded of the workers in Matthew 20 who each receive a denarius for the work that they had done, where the early workers complained that it was not fair. The owner (God) rebuked them saying ‘Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?’
I was reminded too of the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. In seeing other people’s ministry flourish, or have bigger and shinier resources than me, I wanted to be the one with the five talents. I was disappointed that I didn’t have the things others did. However, in the parable of the talents, they were given ‘each according to his ability.’ It is important for us to know our own calling and stay in our own lane.
I needed to allow God to humble me and make me content with the one or two talents I have been entrusted with. It started to shift my disappointment into gratitude for what I have been given. I wonder how much of our frustrations come from wanting someone else’s calling or feeling that we deserve something for the work we have done. Will we allow the Holy Spirit to work through these disappointments to heal any pride and sense of entitlement?
The great cloud of witnesses in Scripture
We are not the only ones to feel disappointment, the Bible has lots of people who are let down, feel disappointment, or whose plans don’t work out the way that they expected.
In 1 Kings 18 we find Elijah on the top of Mount Carmel and read the fantastic story of God showing up in a powerful way to prove he is the one true God. The very next chapter Elijah says to God: ‘I have had enough Lord. Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.'
We can go through high moments in ministry and leadership, only to find ourselves entering a low moment afterwards. When questioned by God as to why he had run away, Elijah’s responded that he has been zealous for God, had encountered opposition, and felt that ‘I’m the only one left.’ I wonder if that resonates at all with you?
On Horeb, God told Elijah the truth that although he felt alone, Hazael was good, as were Jehu and Elisha, and there were a further 7,000 who had not bowed down to Baal. It was through an encounter with God that Elijah’s perspective shifted, and he knew God’s truth rather than the story he had told himself.
Jesus was let down by his disciples. Take Peter who, in Matthew 26, declared he would never leave Jesus. Just a few hours later, Peter denied Jesus three times. Paul ends his second letter to Timothy with a list of personal greetings but mentions Demas and Alexander who have disappointed him. In times of disappointment, it can be an encouragement to know we’re not alone, and that others have gone through it before us.
More importantly, reading the Bible reminds us of who God is, and who we are. Psalm 73 speaks of a time when the psalmist’s feet ‘had almost slipped’ and they were struggling until they entered the sanctuary of God. In that moment God gave the psalmist an eternal perspective. When we read the Bible, God can correct our perspectives and bring us back in line with his truth.
Seek wise counsel and tell good stories
When leading through times of disappointment it is also helpful to seek wise counsel. I had been telling myself a story of things not going to my plan. I had allowed myself to focus on the things that I thought were wrong or that God hadn’t done.
When I shared this with someone wise in my context they told me a better story. They pointed out the areas of growth that we had seen and the things that had changed in the last year. They pointed out things that I had overlooked or diminished in my disappointment.
Similarly, I was disappointed when the Quiet Revival Report was called into question because of unreliability of the data. However, it was pointed out in the Evangelical Alliance podcast Cross Section, that the stories and the testimonies are still true. There are still good stories to be told of younger people turning to Jesus.
Each
year I go on retreat with three others and as leaders we each have stories of
frustration with the local context and the national church. However,
I was struck by a question that one person asked as we shared brunch together: ‘what good news and good news stories can we share with one another?’. The
disappointments that I had lined up to share were replaced by glimpses of God
at work. It was that shift of perspective that really helped and it was
refreshing.
God’s Timing
It can be helpful, with others, to reflect on whether we have the right plans but the wrong time. In 2 Samuel 7, King David wanted to build a house for the Lord. It seems that his intentions were good, however God had different timings in mind as it was for David’s son to build. A question to reflect on is whether some of our ‘failed’ plans are the right plans but not yet the right time.
Similarly, after being promised offspring, Abram and Sarai took the matter into their own hands and Abram had Ismael with Hagar. Yes, an offspring but not the promised son who was to come through Sarai. How many times do we try and put God’s plans into action ourselves rather than waiting? I have felt disappointment in leadership when things weren’t happening, only to be reminded to wait and allow God to fulfil his plans.
Funnily enough, when writing this article, I checked my five-year list and discovered the list was much longer than I had remembered. There were actually 12 things I had dreamt and hoped for, rather than just the three or four I could remember. I realised that five and a half of them had come to pass through the goodness of God. I can also see that other things on the list may come to pass in the next few years. God does not work to my timetable, but I am learning to follow his.
As leaders we are not immune to disappointment. However, if we dwell in the disappointment, those whom we lead will follow. As we lead through disappointment it is important to pray, keep grounded in Scripture, seek wise counsel, and tell good stories.
For reflection
1. What stories are you telling about your ministry? Are they focused on what is not happening, or on what God is doing?
2. Who can you go to locally for counsel and encouragement? Are there people who you can go to outside of your context too?
3. Are there people in your team who are in a season of disappointment? How can you walk with them?
Further reading: